10 Steps For Preparing Your Teenagers To Launch

The movie Failure to Launch, paints the picture of parents struggling with kids who refuse to leave home.
This begs the question how do we help our teenagers grow up and take responsibility? How do we encourage them to get a good education and understand that they will need to provide for their own family in the future. The goal is to provide freedom with responsibility.
What can you do in today's world? Here are ten suggestions to help you help your teenager get through these tough years.
Everyone knows to listen to your teens. But how. As they run in and out at the speed of sound. Keep at least one meal a day "sacred" with everybody at the table.
Pick the meal that is best for your family; breakfast or dinner.
It can be different based on the day of the week. Make it a family decision.
Don't miss your teen's school events. Your kids won't every admit it, but it is important to them that Mom and/or Dad has made their events important.

Get to know the people at your teen's school, the principle, the school counselor his/her teachers.

The more the people at the school know you the better they can provide you feedback on how your child.
Use these resources to help your teen build a plan for his/her life.
Does your teen have a plan for after high school graduation? For after college? Start building the exit strategy now.

This also gives you something to talk about at meal time.

You need to know about who/what your teen is talking.

And of course, remember to listen. Encourage your teen to try new experiences, whether it is an elective course at school, an after-school job, a youth organization, a church youth group, or a volunteer opportunity.

New experiences have two benefits.

One it helps you start to let go.
Two, it helps build your teen's confidence. Gets them out in the world. Your teen needs to practice making decisions. With the understanding that your teen needs more sleep than you, let him/her make the choice as to when he/she gets up.

Remember Step One, another topic for the meal time.
" What does your day tomorrow look like. When are you planning on getting up.

" Understand that your teen needs more sleep than you.
These are still growing and changing years and your teen is busy academically, socially and physically.
Letting your teen "sleep in" occasionally on Saturdays to catch up on rest and making his/her own decisions about getting out of bed time helps build self confidence about decision making.

Establish clear-cut rules and boundaries for your teen. Building decision making skills is important.

Decision making skills goes hand in hand with understanding boundaries.

Work with your teen on a family contract agreement so that he/she knows what is expected.
Make sure the contract includes consequences for moving outside of the boundaries; the discipline should be fair, not overly harsh and laid out in the contract. You want your teen to learn from the experience, not be crushed by it.
One area to set clear guidelines is on the posting on social networking sites.

Explain to your teen that what they post on My Space, Facebook, You Tube or any other networking site on the Internet will stay there forever.
In the near future your teen will be applying for college or a job.

Do they realize that interviewers may check the Internet to determine if the applicant is trustworthy, emotionally stable, and has good character? For those who posted something in bad taste five years ago, the consequences could be harsh. The contract should be written and signed by all parties. It can be amended.

Curfews, the most fought about subject.
You want to help your teen build a sense of independence and a solid decision making process.

This does not mean you can't establish a boundary of knowing where your teen is going, with whom and the time when he/she will be home.

I like to remind teenagers that even roommates have a system for letting each other know where they will be and when they will be home.
So it is reasonable for parents, who are paying the bills and are legally responsible for the teen, to know even more.
Make the concept of curfews part of the family contract.

And, your teens and your schedule is a good topic for meal time. The second most fought about topic. Mom can I have twenty bucks.
Establish a budget for your teen and make him/her work for what you give them. The old concept of "chores" is a good concept.
Chores may include washing their own clothes, cleaning their bedrooms, their bath, mowing the lawn.

There should be a "wage", such as hours use of the car, use of cell phones, dollars for new clothes.

Your teens need privacy, but don't make their bedroom a universe unto its own.

Get the phone, TV, computer out of the bedroom and into the family room.

Take what happens to your teen seriously.

Why. Because you want him/her help your teen grow to think of themselves as adults, capable of handling their own day to day events of life.
For example, relationships and breakups are serious to teen.
Take these serious.
Listen to their heartbreak and provide consolation.
If the emotional pain lasts more than 2 or 3 weeks, make an appointment for your teen to talk to a professional counselor.
This again helps them build confidence in that their problems are important and they can handle these problems.

Your overall goal is three-fold, establish ways to know your teen, establish ways to show your teen respect and develop ways to build a sense of responsibility.
Remember your job as a parent is to help your child build the skills need and develop the confidence to leave the nest.